"What do you think about if I say 'DON'T think about pink elephants?!" demanded the Professor of Organizational Psychology. There was a silence, while we, the students, tried very hard not to think about pink elephants. The result was...

"Ah, yes, red balloons!" said a colleague, when I told her the story later. "Don't think about red balloons..."

Whether you try this game with pink elephants, red balloons, purple tigers or green Martians, the result is always the same: the visual part of our brain does not distinguish between positive and negative instructions. To the brain, a pink elephant is just the same as a not-pink elephant. And if a balloon is not-red, then what is it? How do you picture it?

Let's imagine a few, familiar examples. The dependable best friend, trying to console a teenager who's just been abandoned by her boyfriend, offers this advice: "Put him out of your mind, forget about him...try to think about something else. But whatever you do, don't call him!!" Even with the words "Don't call!" ringing in her brain, the teenager still reaches for the phone the moment she's on her own. So what does she actually picture in her mind's eye? She pictures herself, (not) reaching for the phone. The image is strong, and before she knows it, she's dialing frantically. With predictably disastrous results...

An HR manager, seeking to reassure an anxious workforce, makes this announcement: "Don't worry about the future of your jobs! Don't listen to malicious gossip spread by our competitors, and please, pay no attention to rumors circulating in the press!" Strange, then, that everyone rushes out to buy a newspaper in their lunch break.

We've all found ourselves at some time trying to protect a friend or colleague, to build them up, to get them to say 'No', to put iron in the soul. But when we say: "Don't let them get away with it!" "Don't let them manipulate you!" or "Don't let them shout you down!" are we being as supportive as we think? Perhaps at a conscious level, our friend may try to take the action we prescribe, especially when the instruction seems so obviously to their advantage. However, on a deeper, psychological level the effects may well be the opposite - we could be chipping away at their self esteem and self confidence.

It is clear that when we give people advice, sometimes they follow it, sometimes they ignore it, and sometimes they do the complete opposite. If we tell someone not to jump off a cliff, they may well picture the idea of leaping to their deaths, but are highly unlikely to actually do so. Basic self preservation kicks in.　

In less extreme cases however, we should be aware of the subtle power of emotional or visual ideas, and how the deeper, mental impact may often be the opposite of what we intend. Of course, in the case of reverse psychology, people sometimes do this deliberately.

So, if we actually DO want an audience to think about pink elephants, but we can't admit it, perhaps for legal, personal or political reasons, then what better way to achieve our goal than to shout: "DON'T think about pink elephants!"?

In the UK we have organisations to campaign for nearly everything. We have CAMRA (The Campaign for Real Ale), which fights to preserve traditional British beer, CND (The Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament), and even something called the Atheist Movement (which campaigns for the right of people NOT to be religious). Then of course there's the Plain English Campaign (PEC - www.plainenglish.co.uk), whose mission is to fight against "gobbledygook, jargon and misleading public information".

Yes, Anglo-Saxons do have a tendency to stick their noses in other people's business, and it's true that this can be almost hypocritical at times. Brits love to lecture each other on the dangers of smoking, drink-driving, obesity and, of course, anything involving children.

But I think that PEC is doing a good job in keeping English clear and concise. And, since English is an international lingua franca, keeping it comprehensible is especially important for non-mother tongue speakers.

The PEC website has some wonderful examples of gobbledygook, including job descriptions and their "real world" titles. These include: Head of Verbal Communications (secretary), Revenue Protection Officer (ticket inspector), Knowledge Navigator (teacher) and, my personal favourite, Space Consultant (estate agent).

But it is in the corporate world where jargon and management-speak is at its worst. Some more examples from PEC:

- blue skies thinking (creativity)
- moving the goalposts (changing the conditions)
- core competencies (skills)
- thinking outside the box (being original)
- deliverables (results)

The problem with all this jargon is that people hide behind it, almost distancing themselves from the human aspect of communication. And, as a corporate meta-language, the effect can be aggressive - you're either "in" or you're "out" (or in jargon you're either "on message" or "off message").

So here are my top five hates, in reverse order:

[5] "Learnings and outcomes"
A favourite of training and HR people:
"The key learnings for the training are..."
Translation: Goals

[4] "Heads up"
This one exists as a verb and a noun!!
(i) "He heads up the marketing division".
Translation: He heads the marketing division. (Why the unnecessary preposition?)
(ii) "Can you give us a heads up?"
Translation: Advance warning

[3] "Ring fence"
Sounds like something to do with cattle ranching:
"We need to ring fence the problem"
Translation: Limit, contain

[2] "Align, alignment"
This one was used constantly when I worked briefly for a US multi-national in Japan. The effect was always aggressive, and somehow threatening:
"We need to align with Sales".
Translation: Agree, be in line with

And in first place...

[1] "Leverage"
This is the worst offender by far:
"We need to leverage all opportunities".
Translation: Take advantage of

Perhaps you, the reader, would like to send in your examples of management gobbledygook. If you are in alignment with me, then let's try to ring fence this problem, and share our key learnings. If you all give me a heads up, then perhaps we can leverage our core competencies.